Hidden Truths and Changes
by lolliipxps
Summary: A look into Nick's guilt after the events of "The Ungrateful Dead" and "PTZD."


_Eyes glanced around the room, the feeling of intense confusion and frustration mixed with the many voices he was hearing in his head making him go crazy. Like he would explode at the smallest trigger. Yet he didn't feel any active need to act until something set it in motion. _

_He didn't even hear the human in front of him before he'd been shoved. In his state of mind he definitely snapped on the spot attacking anyone who got in his way, and a newfound feeling of rage controlling him. _

_Within moments bodies were surrounding him, but he didn't care if they were dead. One stood behind him, knife in hand. Before it could even touch him, he twisted the hand and plunged it the other way around... _

_The next scene was set and he was in the process of hunting down a family… Then fighting his own friends. Juliette stuck something in him and during his blind rage he harshly backhanded her._

Nick shot straight, breathing hard and was only a nightmare, but it wasn't. Just his past haunting him. It would always haunt him. Why? Because regardless of whether he was in control it _was _his hands that killed that innocent man. It was _his _hands that hurt Juliette. No matter how much they would try to convince him otherwise.

He was so lost in his thoughts and guilt that he didn't even notice at first that Juliette looked scared. Like the one time she said he looked dead. Didn't even hear the first time she called his name until she spoke up.

"Nick, Nick! Can you hear me?" Juliette shook him in an attempt to get his attention. "Hey, what's wrong?"

Nick blinked and shook his head as he tried to gather his sanity. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine… Just a bad dream," he replied, not really wanting to add more detail to his answer, "Please tell me I didn't look dead again."

Juliette placed her hands on his cheek and then on his forehead. "Yeah, you did…" She said with a frown, "Look, I know the Doctor said you were fine, but I'm worried about you. This is too weird."

He looked up at her for a moment, but instantly regretted it as the same flashback of hitting her came again. Almost as fast as he had looked, he quickly did the opposite. There was no way he could look at her face and not think of that. It was hard to look at his friends but at least he could look at them, even if he did almost kill them…

"Honestly, Juliette, stop worrying. If the Doctor says its normal than you shouldn't worry about it, I'm alive aren't I?" He masked his pain with a smile as he very briefly looked back up. "But I'll try to keep it in check."

His behavior did not go unnoticed.

"Nick, I'm your girlfriend, I'm allowed to worry," She pointed out, her frown deepening, "Something is wrong, Nick, I know it. Why aren't you looking at me? Have I done something wrong?"

Nick was silent for a moment. He wanted to appease her worries, but he really couldn't. At least not without feeling anymore guilt. Lying to her completely would do no good…

"No, Juliette," He brought a hand up to rub his forehead, "I mean, you're… perfect. But I can't look at you and not feel guilty for what I did when I was...not in control."

Juliette sat up straight, looking at him with concern. "Nick, you know it wasn't your fault, none of it was. Remember, we told you it wasn't you. I know _you _wouldn't do any of that."

Nick suddenly got out of bed and turned his back to her. "You keep saying that but it doesn't change how I feel. I _hurt _you Juliette. I killed a man. I remember it all, I remember doing it…"

"Nick-"

"You know what? It doesn't matter right now, I have to get to work before Hank starts missing me too much." His voice sounded more like the usual, he even let out a little chuckle as he was very quickly getting dressed. Another mask to hide how he was really feeling. "I love you, Juliette, remember that."

He gave her a quick kiss but didn't leave much room for response once he walked out within seconds.

Juliette waited until Nick was gone to pull out her phone.

"_Hey, Juliette, something wrong?"_

"_Hank, good you answered… No, nothing is wrong, not with me anyway. but I think you should keep an eye on Nick."_

"_Keep an eye on Nick...What's wrong with Nick?"_

On the phone, Hank sounded a bit worried but more calm.

"_I don't know, he just doesn't seem... Okay right now. So please?"_

She could hear him sigh over the phone. "_Alright, I got you." _The phone hung up on the other end.

Little did she know that he still hadn't completely excited the house, and with his super hearing, had definitely heard the call.


End file.
